Marriage: a Picture of the Kingdom

One Christmas, when I was in college, I decided on great gift ideas for my entire family. It was the first year I could really afford getting a good gift for each of my family members, so I decided I’d get everyone the DVD’s they had on their Christmas list. To my delight almost everyone had a movie on their list. I also realized that most of the movies I was preparing to buy were movies I too wanted to buy. Another great idea (to me) flew into my mind. I decided that I could open each of the movie gifts and watch the movies before I gave them away as gifts. At the time, this seemed completely logical and I had already decided my cover story. I would say that I wanted to ease everyone’s pain by taking off the wrapping and annoying seal stickers so they didn’t have to do it themselves. I would conveniently leave out my watching the videos myself though. Christmas came and I had watched every single DVD I was giving away. After about three people in, my sister-in-law noticed the pattern and called me out. She asked why the wrapping was off and I tried to tell a false story but ended confessing my sin in the end.

 We can all tend to be selfish. Even our giving can have selfish implications, like my DVD gifts. Sometimes it is harder to be selfless within our family structure than it is anywhere else. When we are called to service and sacrifice, it is easier to live that way “out there”, but every day in our homes with the people we spend the most time with it can be hard to be consistently self-sacrificial. Yet, Scripture calls us as husbands, wives, sons, and daughters to be families unlike any other family- we are to be families marked by service, gratitude, and self-sacrifice. This type of family is a family of light! A proper painting of family is so important to the Lord because: Family is the picture God uses in the painting of His Kingdom. Family depicts the Kingdom of God.

The image of family in our culture, including our church culture, has been so broken and marked by selfish living, that it no longer properly represents the Kingdom of Light that God paints throughout Scripture. In fact, many while looking at the current view of family wouldn’t want anything to do with a kingdom of God that looks like that. We are called to have families of light, so we can redeem the view of family from the darkness it has fallen into. Here's what the Bible says about marriage and how we are to model the Kingdom...

"...submitting to one another out of reverence for Christ.

22 Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. 23 For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior. 24 Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands.

25 Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, 26 that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, 27 so that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish.[a]28 In the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. 29 For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ does the church, 30 because we are members of his body. 31 “Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.” 32 This mystery is profound, and I am saying that it refers to Christ and the church. 33 However, let each one of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband" (Ephesians 5:21-33 ESV)

God uses familial and in particular marital language consistently to describe His Kingdom and His relationship to humanity. Gary Thomas once said: “A giant thread runs throughout Scripture comparing God’s relationship to his people with the human institution of marriage”. These passages are no different. In it, we not only see a call to family Gospel living but are reminded of how we are to live with and for Him. The first thing that Paul brings forth when he discusses being a couple of light is that sheds light on the Kingdom is this:

A couple equally submitted to Christ is a beacon of hope (vs. 21-24)

            The concept of submission is greatly disliked and even offensive in the culture of today. This particular passage on submission has been a great point of contention both within the church and outside of it. I think much of the contentiousness as well as distain for submission as highlighted in these verses is due to abuse. Many men have improperly used this passage to exert their authority over their wives. Men have used this passage to selfishly do what they want while forcing their wives to cooperate with them. We must have a proper view of submission then. Submission is willingly laying down your plans for another’s. Wives are called to willingly relinquish control and allow their husbands to lead.  

The picture you see on this blog post is a picture that sits in my living room. It was given to Hilary as a reminder of her trust in me driving the car once we get married. You can see, the ride is fun and the girl is trusting the boy to drive the car. I believe it is a prophetic picture of what marriage ought to look like.

Wives are to honor the place of authority God has given and in their submission to Christ’s leadership, they also submit to the leadership of their husbands. Men, hear this: If you need to demand submission, you don’t deserve submission. God has given our wives to us as a gift and we should honor and cherish them as a gift. May God judge us, men, ever so severely if we take advantage of or abuse our wives in any way, especially under the guise of Scripture.

It’s like Thielman states in his commentary on this passage: “In Ephesians, Christ’s authority has been used not to control the church but to reconcile it to God at the cost of His own life and to equip the church with what it needs for accomplishing God’s purposes.”

Biblical submission, like love, must be a choice, it cannot be forced. For a woman, submission to her husband should be the safest thing to do. When a wife feels unsafe to submit, many times it’s because her husband isn’t submitting to the Lord. This passage not only humbles wives but also ought to humble husbands. Paul is painting a picture of the Kingdom, not just the home. He uses the analogy of Christ’s headship of the church as to how men are meant to be the head of the house. Because He is our savior and we recognized His love for us, we willingly submitted to His Lordship and His headship. This is how it is to be in the home. As verse 21 insinuates then, equal submission to Christ and one another is vital to a healthy home and church. If as husbands, we are not submitted to Christ, it is quite hypocritical for us if we demand our wives’ submission to us. This doesn’t mean that submission for wives will always be easy, even when their husbands are right before the Lord or that their choice to not submit be easily excused if their husbands are not. Wives too must first be submitted to Christ and then to their husbands.

           

 Submission, although not a popular or fun word is necessary for a healthy family. Submission can be made easier by the person being submitted to Christ as I alluded to earlier. To be a family of light, the head of the family must first be a person of light. The next thing we can recognize is that:

A man that leads his family with love and self-sacrifice sheds light on the Gospel (vs. 25-33)

            On his commentary on this passage, Thielman states: “Paul pictures the wife’s submission as the recognition of the authority of a husband who imitates the self-sacrificial, nurturing and supporting roles that Christ fills with respect to the church.” If as husbands, we are to love our wives as Christ loves the church, we must love them above ourselves and be willing to lay everything down in protecting them, even if that means our very lives. As men, we set the tone and atmosphere for our homes and churches. Love should be the atmosphere and service to one another should be the tone. If this isn’t happening in the home, the husband is to blame. We bear the responsibility for the spiritual growth and protection of our families as well. Adam failed Eve in this severely. 

The fall occurred when Adam neglected his role as the protector of his wife Eve. This does not mean Eve bears no responsibility, but as men we have to stop putting everything on Eve, we actually failed first. Look at Genesis 3:6: So when the woman saw that the tree was good for food, and that it was a delight to the eyes, and that the tree was to be desired to make one wise, she took of its fruit and ate, and she also gave some to her husband who was with her, and he ate. The key phrase here is “Adam…who was with her…”. What man in his right mind lets a creepy snake talk to his wife, much less let her fall prey to his tricks and lies?

As husbands, we are called to love, protect, nourish and cherish our wives. We are representatives of Christ in this. We mirror how Christ loves the church in this! I fully believe that:

The image of Christ cherishing the church is best seen in the man who cherishes his wife. When husbands cherish their wives as they are called to, wives will easily and willingly submit to their leadership because they will know they can trust their husbands. When husbands display trust, submission, and dependence upon the Father, wives will feel safe under their leadership. Safety in marriage is key for wives to desire submission.

Sex within marriage also plays a role in displaying the Kingdom...

Marital oneness speaks to the exclusivity of the Gospel  (vs. 31-33)

Throughout Scripture, God uses the imagery of sex within marriage to define the reality of love being exclusive. Specifically, sexual love is the physical representation of the spiritual condition of one’s exclusiveness. Tozer spoke of our intimacy with God as being “spiritual intercourse”, so the imagery of oneness with Christ could be further understood. Sex is the perfect picture of our oneness with Christ. Paul even admits this imagery to be a great mystery, but it is none-the-less true. However, being one with a person means we are no longer our own person, but we belong to another and we are supremely exclusive. This oneness creates a relationship of healthy co-dependence. We do not think to make decisions or actions without consulting the other, or at least considering how this would affect the other. In marriage, we no longer have the ability to simply do as we please, because we belong to another.  When a believer leaves the exclusive relationship with Christ, it is as severe as when a husband cheats on his wife. The marriage bed is sacred. Not only is sex important to maintain health within a marriage, but a deep oneness type of intimacy

with Christ is also imperative for a healthy disciple. Finally, Paul explains how love and respect are the necessary components for all he previously explained. Without love and respect, intimacy will be little. Without love and respect, we can properly mirror Christ’s relationship to the church. Without love and respect, it is hard to be submitted to Christ. So:

Love and respect are key markers of a Gospel-centered family (vs. 33)

Blasting your marital issues all over social media is NOT respect or love. It is SIN. If you're in need of help within your marriage, seek a pastor, counselor or friend. And when they ask what is going on when you meet, do not say everything is fine when they aren't. Some think that posting their marital issues on social media is "being open" or "crying for help" that is a lie from Satan himself. It is sinful disrespect. Marriage is a holy thing and when pain is evident, seek help. If abuse is involved, seek safety. Bashing your spouse on social media says: "They're completely wrong and I am fully right" which is never the case. 

 As men, we are called to love our wives fiercely and tenderly; to lead them towards Jesus and to serve them as they need.  As women, wives are called to submit to Christ first, then to their husbands, following their leadership and guidance of the family. When this is done properly on both ends that couple and that family becomes a family of light guiding others to Christ! 

The world needs the right picture of marriage. Men need to grow up in our society and be willing to, like Christ die to themselves.