For Parents Only

 Today, I confess my belief that many parents are naive about the realities of pornography and sexting in our American culture.  I believe this is especially so within Christian households.  I've been in ministry for over 11+ years and several of those are in youth ministry.  I do not say this to shame parents, but simply to alert all of us to the dangers that sexting and porn hold for today's youth. We can no longer assume that our children are not engaged in these sexual sins any more, we must actually assume that they are participating in them.  We do not shame them with this assumption or constantly barrage them for information. We discuss it with them and engage in meaningful conversations about these issues.

We must also ensure we are up to speed on technological advances that assist in the furthering of things such as porn or sexting. Back in 2008, I wrote a post declaring sexting would be as big as it is now (See: Sexting).  I (and many other youth workers) saw the ramifications of this new avenue for sexual activity and warned against it. These warnings went largely unheard. The scary truth is this: students now have more powerful computers in their pockets and hands then I had when I was in college. Pornography was easily accessible to me then, and it is much more accessible now.  They can look at porn anytime and anywhere. They can use their cameras to do whatever they wish.

The developers of apps know this tendency for adolescents to be active in this way and that is why such apps like Snapchat were created. (Read Adam Mcclane's blog). In fact they purposefully create them for teens.  I believe these are fueled by the porn industry itself because they know the earlier you hook a person, the less likely it is they will stop it. There are always new apps coming out that are used primarily for the purposes of porn or some form of sex chatting- text, pictures or videos.  Vines and Tumblr have been around for sometime, but they are easily used for these purposes.  It behooves us as youth workers and parents to be up to speed as to what these apps are.  Many parents pay for their students phones and have every right (until 18) to ask to view the phone's content.  I would say parents should do this.  The key to continuing dialogue is how we respond. If we find these things on our kids phone, we will want to freak out.  We mustn't freak out to the point where our students shut down.  The issue is the heart, not the behavior. Punishment will be a necessary piece to this puzzle, but dialogue is just as important if not more important. Teens need to know the dangers, implications and the future results of such behavior.  And they must have a sense of safety to discuss them with us. Accountability is an important lesson to teach and so we must hold our kids accountable with the technology that is in their hands.

These developers of apps are hip to parents checking the phone too.  Just checking the phone in the normal areas is no longer enough.  There are apps that can hide content.  There are apps that can hide web browsing.  Teens are banking on the idea that you as a parent are in the dark to these app secrets and so many times they may seem as if they are not viewing this content but really are.   They may be so bold as to hand you their phone arrogantly thinking they will get away with their sexual sins.  This is the main reason I am writing this blog. I want to expose to you parents, the dirty secret of apps that hide content.  These have been around for over two years and many people have shared about them, but I am still aware of many parents who are woefully ignorant of their existence.    All one needs to do is go into your app store and type in the word "secret" or "secret photo album".  When you type those in, apps that hide content will automatically pop up. Study those apps, the images of the apps (some are below) and understand how to use them.  The one I've been toying with to understand is an old one, but maybe the best one- Calculator+. It looks just like the iPhone calculator image, but it is not.  Students may say "The plus is for more calculator abilities" but it's for hiding content.

To open the app, it seems innocuous.  It is a calculator and so it will function as such.  However, it is not simply a calculator. The person hiding content simply develops a four digit passcode and then hits the % sign to get in.  You can type in all sorts of 4-digit pass codes and hit the % button and no error message will come up.  If the person is viewing content in the secret part of the app and then sees a parent coming, they can hit the home button and when you double click the home button, it looks like a calculator again.  The ability to hide with this app is off the charts.

How then do we check? I say one day ask for your child's phone.  Have them give you the passcode and see if they have any content in the normal areas. The search for the secret apps you found on your app search.  If you see an image or an app name that is similar to the ones you saw, ask them to open it up.  You'll know pretty quickly if they're hiding something.  I'd say if they have the app you can bet they are hiding something. Please also do this with your daughters.  The female demographic for porn usage is on the rise and is at an all time high.  Again, this must be done with gentleness and love.  I DO NOT recommend you sneak on your kids phone and find this content.  I think it is better with them there.  It will keep some semblance of trust when we do it in the open.

The implications of these issues are large. These implications are also not widely addressed (especially in the church). Young men are pressuring our daughters to send nude photos of themselves.  Young men are more likely to rape our daughters because of this behavior.  This has deeply infiltrated the church as well, let us no longer live in naivety.  We must act.  I'm beginning a project with young women (in the church) who have been forced to do sexual acts, molested, raped and the whole nine yards and some of these stories began with the phone.  These stories are also perpetrated by the naive statement from many parents that states: "My child would never do such a thing".  Sexual assault is much more than just a sexting issue; it's an issue of the heart. However, the sexting issue perpetuates much of the beginnings of sexual assault. This project with these young woman I hope will begin to expose much of the sexual brokeness in our youth groups.  Many of the stories will shock and horrify us, but they must be heard.  We can hold back the tide and protect our daughters and sons from this perversion, we simply need to be aware and lovingly guide our kids away from the sexual perversion that is so prevalent in our teen culture.

 

SIDE NOTE: I would also like to recommend you ask to see your spouses phone as well.  Not out of distrust, but out of a sense of holding no secrets.

Below are some images of these apps as well as a youtube video discussing the problem.

Apps that hide photos video