Authentic Leaders

If we could put our fingers to the pulse of the upcoming generations need from leaders, I believe it would beat over and over again the word: Authenticity. This generation is crying out for real, raw transparent leadership and if leaders leave this on the side of the road and treat it as if it is another "meaningless leadership fad" they will begin to lose ground with this generation.


I contend that the reason Barack Obama was able to sway this generation to his side and cause a polling frenzy of the younger voters was because to them he was being real. He found this deep desire in the younger voters, that of authentic leadership and pounded that idea into his campaigns, answering honestly questions that were skirted around by prior candidates. (See my Blog on Obama Here)

Who really wants to follow a phony who doesn't admit when he has done something wrong? Being authentic is admitting when you've messed up, it's asking forgiveness for those mistakes and it's holding others to a standard of authenticity as well. This upcoming generation is fed up with phony leaders everywhere: in the church, in politics, and in major corporations, they are done with the fake and desire real, raw authenticity.

This poses a huge problem for most leaders, because they've been trained to have the answers and be strong, confident and have no weak links in their armor. Even as pastors, we've been trained to share self very little and when we do, share a success story, not a failure story.

Leaders everywhere must un-learn this training in some respects if they ever expect people of this younger generation to follow them for the long haul (or for that matter assist them with their bottom line by continuing to support their products). Leaders must learn the ancient art of repentance and confession, a lesson that sadly even we pastors struggle with on a large scale.

Many leaders I’ve been following recently have found this pulse and are using it exceptionally well. They are open and honest with their staff, they are willing to admit their own mistakes, they are willing to take risks and are willing to not hide behind certain masks to get ahead. Some of these leaders are: (Church) Mark Driscoll; (Corporate) Larry O’Donnell III; (Non-Profit) Rich Stearns. They are unafraid to be real and raw about themselves and admitting their mistakes and failures.

Authenticity will prove to be a vital reality for the generations to come as well. Research done by the Barna Group (found in the book UnChristian) is a real slap with reality on this issue. Fake is out; real is in. People won’t follow, or assign themselves to a group of people who are not willing to live authentically.

Authentic living is an arduous task but I am convinced taking on that task will not only transform the leaders, but the people who follow them as well as the products they produce. When a follower can trust a leader implicitly, they will follow full heartedly and when a consumer can trust the leader of products they buy, brand loyalty will sky-rocket to new heights like never seen before.

The Honest Truth

You know those people who love you that never fail to tell you the truth? I am proud to say that I have two of those people in my life.

My wife is one as well as my mentor Doug. Whenever I have a serious question about myself, my shortcomings or my own thoughts I know I can take them to these two and they will speak truth into my life.

Doug and Hilary (my wife) don't sugar coat anything. Nor do they try to "soften the blow" of the truth they speak into my life. They give it to me straight-up.

Sadly, we live in a society where "everyone is special" and no one speaks the truth. We try not to hurt peoples feelings when they ask us for advice. We try to always say "nice things".

Don't get me wrong, we need encouragement and we need to be told the good things...however sometimes we need to speak hard truth.

Hilary just read a couple lines of this post and said this true statement: "I can tell you the truth because I love you and that's the kind of relationship we have. We've built that. Oh and I love you too much not to tell you the truth."

She's hit the nail on the head...we earn this type of truth telling. We built it into our relationships.

This is true for Doug and I too. When I was his intern he did an "annual review" of me and my skills and weaknesses. This evaluation took place at Stir Crazy in the Palisades mall almost 4 years ago. Here Doug built in this truth telling by telling me I needed counseling.

You didn't read that wrong. At the tail end of my sophomore year Doug told me this statement of PURE TRUTH:

"Marvin, you have a lot of gifts and talents but you will never reach your full potential until you get some healing. You have a desire to be significant in the eyes of people, this will end up hurting you tremendously in your ministry and will cause your Senior Pastor to work extremely hard to disciple you...unless you get help. I am recommending you get some counseling to assist you in this. It is your choice and I will not force you but I am telling you that from where I sit, you need it."

This is the type of authentic community that 1 John 1:7 talks about: "walking in the light" brings fellowship with God and others. Doug (by the Holy Spirit's guidance) was shinning light into a dark cavern of my sin.

This is bringing truth to light.

A similar thing happened on Tuesday Night on into Wednesday. I was sharing some embarrassing thoughts I had about how good I am and how amazing I could be if I only got the chance with both Hilary and Doug.

You know what? They both told me the truth about my thoughts. They both were HONEST about who I am, why I think stupid stuff and how I need to stop focusing on myself and on Jesus more. "What will glorify Christ?" was Doug's main rebuttal. I had to admit that what I was thinking was glorifying to me, not Christ!

We as a Church community need more people to smack us with the Honest Truth. We need to be hit in our sinful crotches with the Truth of God! It sucks, I know but it is so worth it. I truly believe that this type of honesty can change the Church. This type of authentic living can cause people to GROW in Christ by leaps and bounds...I know it has done so for me!

I tremble to think where I would be without 1. The Counseling I went through and 2. my PSF class at Nyack College. These places are where God kicked me hard with his truth and called out a lot of change within my life.

Who smacks you with the Honest Truth? If your answer is: "No one" let me hit you with some Honest Truth: YOU NEED SOMEONE NOW!

Cultural Christianity Vs. Authentic Christianity

Definitions:
Cultural Christianity: a moralistic, behavioral set of ethics that are put upon "followers of Christ" to determine whether or not they are good people that are going to heaven. More emphasis on how you look, and act than anything else

Authentic Christianity: a relational, heart-drawn call to God, His Son Jesus Christ and a willingness to be lead by the Holy Spirit. A competent understanding of your own sinfulness and a desire to change your heart above all else.

For years I have struggled with these two types of Christianity. When I was growing up, most of the people in my churches were cultural Christians, worrying themselves about how they appeared to be following Christ, rather than actually working on their hearts before the Almighty God Himself. This then trained me to do the very same thing. Not only did I succeed at doing so but I was a champion at pointing out others short-comings when it came to their appearance of following Christ. Cultural Christianity is simply a play with good characters and bad characters. A Ruse to get people to think that they are following the right path. You end up believing certain lies like: You can only be Republican if you're a Christian; Christians never get mad; Christians never fail and if you fail, keep it quiet so no one finds out; and most importantly is make sure you are "on your best behavior" at church.
When I got to college, my whole sphere of my beliefs came CRASHING down upon my head. I saw the utter flaws within my relationship to Christ, my own sin that I thought was ambition but was pride. I saw my black heart even though I thought it was as white as snow. I saw how often my finger was raised in accusation rather than admittance of my own wrong-doing. God used my college days to utterly transform how I perceived, loved and knew God. This is by no means a blog to say "how far I've come", yet a simple confession of my own personal past and present misconceptions of my Faith.
What I began to grapple with, was that to really wrestle with God was not to see all the sin in the world, but all the sin within myself. It meant that I needed to go to the mattresses with the Lord, baring my sins open to Him and trying to feebly keep some sins I enjoyed for myself. God has since been calling my junk to the forefront and will continue to do so. This has humbled me when it came to my finger pointing...mind you, I still pridefully do this but I trust I am getting better. I realized that I am just as rotten and disgusting as everyone else, I simply have a Savior that decided to graciously cover my sins because I asked Him. Without the covering of Jesus I am no better than the worst sinner whoever lived. I have within me the capacity to sin with limitless sinfulness. This understanding and the understanding that Christ has graciously given Himself for me has been a HUGE transforming truth for me.
This understanding is what I have called Authentic Christianity. No longer and I working on myself for a crowd, but giving myself over to the Lord for Him to point out the junk in me and asking Him to graciously help me pluck it out of my heart and life.
I'll be the first to admit that I live a culturally Christian life more and less of an authentic Christian life than I should. Yet I believe that if we all would grab onto this heart-changing, rather than outside changing Christian Faith, allowing Christ to purge us from within...the World will soon stand and take notice. It has nothing to do with being "culturally relevant" and all to do with how the God wants a relationship with us!

(For other post about this, check these out: Cleaning your Cups, Galatians Sermon, Authenticity)

Authenticity pt. 5

Most of my past posts have been on authenticity. Many of you have interacted with these posts, and I believe it is the heartbeat of this generation, a desire for intimate authenticity. Being authentic is NOT an easy thing, yet it is a truly amazing thing. I could tell you numerous stories of how I have not been authentic, how I've hidden behind a mask of false pretenses, judgment and secret anger. I could regale you with many stories of my hidden sin and how no one knew who I really was (and I will share many these and many more in my book)...because there are many. There is a laundry list of falsehood within the church and without. I cold tell you how amazing authenticity is within marriage and friendships as well as your relationship with God (because it is). Yet I would be in the wrong if I didn't share with you the COST of authenticity.
Many times we are hit with great sermons about changing ourselves and walking closer to God and the preacher makes it seem easy as pie...yet when we try to go about following the advice from the pulpit, we're smacked with the reality of how difficult it really is! This post is an effort to be honest with you and share that there is a cost to authenticity. I don't want to pretend that if you takes steps 1,2 and 3 you'll be successfully authentic and there will be no difficulty whatsoever.
Being authentic will hurt. For example, when I shared with my wife (then fiance) my deep dark sins of my flesh, she was blow away, hurt, saddened and confused. This was a step of authenticity that I took and it hurt. It hurt because I realized that my sinfulness now no longer touched just me and God, but my future wife. It also hurt because I could no longer hide behind this perfect facade that my fiance had set up for me, I felt like I fell short of her expectations and I hate that! I love making people happy...yet if my wife thought she was marrying a perfect man, with no flaws...she would've been smacked with my sin once we were married, then she would say: "You're not the man I married" (like so many wives say).
Being authentic as you can see has a cost. A big one. The cost of Authenticity is intimacy. You're probably thinking that intimacy isn't a bad thing, why would I be afraid of intimacy. And I would tell you that true intimacy is you being an open book, the person you're intimate with knows you in and out. Intimacy is a cost because you can't be fake and when you are, you get called out on it (my wife points this out to me all the time!). Intimacy means that your "secret" struggles are out there in the open, people know you have issues (like EVERYONE does). It costs a lot to be authentic. *This goes for your relationship with God as well...the more authentic we are with God, the more intimate our relationship with him becomes!*

I will continue this discussion. Please leave your comments, this open discussion has been good to interact with!

What's so BIG about Authenticity? Pt. 4

One thing I've noticed about teenagers is that they can spot a "fake" person from a mile away. It's as if they have radar to sniff out a person posing. In the Church, this "fake" person motif is all to familiar. We say things like: "I'll pray for you brother" (and don't do it nor mean it). We see people acting different than they do at church in their homes, their jobs, and their schools. And I tell you that this fake face has become a negative pungent stench in the nostrils of today's youth. I will continuously quote UnChristian due to it's prophetic nature into today's youth and in this book, they've found that 85% of people 16-29 find the church as a whole (meaning us Christians) to be hypocritical! (By the way, I agree)
Being authentic is NOT being hypocritical. 1 John 1:5-10 says: "This is the message we have heard from him and declare to you: God is light; in him there is no darkness at all. If we claim to have fellowship with him yet walk in the darkness, we lie and do not live by the truth. But if we walk in the light, as he is in the light, we have fellowship with one another, and the blood of Jesus, his Son, purifies us from all sin. If we claim to be without sin, we deceive ourselves and the truth is not in us. If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness. If we claim we have not sinned, we make him out to be a liar and his word has no place in our lives".
In bold is the call to Authenticity. We need to confess our sins, this is WALKING in the Light! We admit out junk. This means, we're honest, we're open, we're vulnerable. This type of authentic community brings fellowship with both God and men (read the italicized portion)! Also, this type of authenticity is attractive to the world, they need a place to admit their junk! The World NEEDS the church to be a place that says: "Oh, you're messed up? You're a sinner? All of us are too! We've messed up (and still do sometimes) but let us show you the LOVE of Christ, and give you the KEY to life!" A place that is willing to LOVE, take in sinners, be real with them and show the Christ (the Light) is a place that will be BOOMING with non-Christians!
Non-Christians (especially 16-29 year olds) FEAR going into a church because they will feel like everyone hates them, they will feel as if they are un-welcome because of their problems. They will feel isolated because they would be made to feel that they are the only person there with issues! Yet, if we could create an AUTHENTIC place where they will no longer feel this way, we could see this generation (and the next) come to Christ like NO OTHER generation in history!

In my next segments on authenticity, I will show how it does COST us to create this type of atmosphere, I will share more from 1 John about what this Authenticity creates and lastly, I will show how this type of Authentic living brings about the HEALING that God desires for us! Stay Tuned and PLEASE let me know your thoughts!

Arguments and Apologetics Pt. 2

This is the last installment of Arguments and Apologetics. Something I've found to be true is that we Christians are natural arguers. It's true! Say for example I say: "I am voting for Obama in this coming election. I feel McCain's policies are dumb and Obama's rock." This simple statement would be commented upon post-haste! I would have people asking me about my faith, people asking me how I can be a Pastor and vote for "a disgusting liberal". Literally I might be asked how I could be a CHRISTIAN if I voted Obama!
Or for example, I say something slightly less controversial. Say, I simply say: "I read Harry Potter". This is controversial, but slightly less than the Obama idea. This statement would bring people arguing that J.K. Rowling is a witch(which she claims in Newsweek Sept. 2001 article this is false) and other such non-sense.
First, let me make myself clear. I am by no means UN GUILTY of these very same arguments! I've said these things and believed them as well. My point is simply that we Christians argue...ALOT.
It is intriguing to me how controversial things can be. It also pains me as a Christian, that we (myself included) run, head first into such arguments. What really ends up happening is that these arguments seem (or to be honest ARE) bitter, with malicious intent. We'd rather win an argument than lose one, so we pull the God card. If we feel Obama is not the right guy in office, simply say: "I don't think he's right for office, so I won't vote for him". There is no need to attack a persons CHRISTIANITY over it, just so you can be "right".
This also translates to how we witness. If someone you know says: "I don't believe in God". Don't sit there and try to "debate them into the Kingdom"! They won't budge and in fact, your debate tactic will end up turning them OFF to the gospel...because they will feel you care more about being "right" then you care about them. Here's how we can still win people for Christ, if we let go of arguing people into the Kingdom: Live a life where Jesus is CONTAGIOUS. Allow God to so permeate your life that people catch Jesus. You're not force feeding them, your showing them. Allow your life to be a conviction or a stumbling block to the un-believer, so much so that they realize that the way they've been living seems like a lie (because it is) to them!
Build many honest relationships, where people can see the Christ that lives in you. Befriend the "sick" as Jesus did..for they need the Doctor. Yet do as Jesus did and simply be with them and they will be transformed! If it was good enough for Jesus, it's good enough for me!

Arguments and Apologetics Pt. 1

Evangelism in today's American Youth Culture is dramatically different than it ever was. Apologetics, the way I was taught was more of a "debate and argue" format. Where one person (in this case the Christian) has the rebuttal to every possible question (which was said as "giving an answer to our faith"). I believe that in the "modern" era, this approach was incredibly effective. People just 20 years ago were looking for cold hard facts and when you could debate and give them facts that would repute an argument they were proposing...they were hooked.

Somewhere along the line, there was a huge shift in thinking. When exactly this thought change occurred is still under debate. However, the fact remains that evangelism has changed. In the book UnChristian, several different things were studied. This idea of what evangelism mode is most effective was part of the study. Here is a little bit of what was discovered: Televangelism, door-to-door witnessing and tract evangelism COMBINED total a whopping 1% effective rate with people ages 16-29! 1%! (Do you know how much money is spent on tracts each year? More than 1% of the budget, that's for sure!). Also discovered was that "Relational Evangelism" evangelism which is in and through a trusted relationship has a 78% effective rate!

Non-Christian young adults, in order to come to Christ in Today's culture, don't need a lecture on how they are wrong, but a friend who sticks closer than a brother (Prov. 18:24). Our mode of Apologetics NEEDS to change. Do we still need answers? OH YES! Do we need to argue them into the kingdom? NO WAY!

How do I know this works? I've seen the power of this type of evangelism. There's a teen in our ministry named Paul, who started coming with his girlfriend who was a student of ours. His first event he came to was simply a movie night. No talk afterwards, no shove em into Jesus trick at the end...simply getting together (non-Christians and Christians) to watch a movie. This caused Paul to build relationships with our other Christian teens. Even after he and his girlfriend broke up, he kept coming, because he felt welcome with us, he felt accepted and loved, so he remained. Eventually, he accepted Christ in his life and is now looking to get into ministry! Relational Evangelism works!

What's so BIG about Authenticity? Pt. 3

Many of you reading this may know that I'm writing a book on the idea of Authenticity. I've written over 60 pages on it and hope to dribble a little bit out on my blog here for all of you to see. I believe that this idea is GIGANTIC for our teens today and of tomorrow, thus my writing a whole book about it. It all started back in September of 2007, when I did a sermon series with my Sr. High teens about it and the response was incredible! I've seen our teens embrace this authentic lifestyle and choose into it. Here is an excerpt from my forward of the book...enjoy!

"...When put on a social network, we can be whoever we want to be, but the desire to be known still drives us. A lot of what is put on the social network is the true us, but there are altercations we choose to make, so we look better. However, I know that deep down inside each and every one of us (youth and adults) there is a desire for the true us to be known. When you think about it, we all realize that when someone likes the fake face of us, they are not accepting or even liking the real us.
This book is about how we as the church can be a place of authenticity and transparency. Authenticity is what the youth of today are crying for, a place where they can be known for who they are, the good, the bad and even the ugly. We as Christians in the past have had a rough time at being real. We hide our stuff better than the world, for fear of rejection. It’s time to rip off our masks both with God and each other so we can be real with our hidden junk, find love and acceptance and receive God’s forgiveness. For too long, we as the Christian sub-culture have been turning people away from God because we tend to portray ourselves as perfect and all put together, when in actuality there are people; teens and adults who are hurting inside, because they have hidden sin, hidden pieces of themselves, hidden doubts that they’ve NEVER been able to express due to the fear of exposing their true self.
God has a word about the fellowship of the brethren and the transparency we need to have in order to have authentic relationships both with God and men. This book takes those pieces of scripture and hands them to the reader to challenge us all to live Transparent!"
-By Marv Nelson, Transparent

*I will be posting more about Authenticity, and more excerpts from the book are forthcoming*

20-Somethings and Obama

*What's so BIG about Authenticity Pt. 2*

I have read several times that Obama has won over the college aged and 20-somethings crowd. He's seeming to rake in this group of non-voters to not only vote, but vote Obama. I've also heard several reasons why. However, let me set the record straight. This may have been talked about, if so, it's important to reiterate, if not, it's important to understand.

Why has Obama been able to pull this crowd of people in? Is it because they are politically dumb and see him as a "celebrity candidate"? NO! The reason why Obama has won this age group (my age group) over is because he's a genuine, transparently authentic guy. My age group is tired of secret lives, hidden agendas, false pretenses, lies, dishonest honesty (Such as "I didn't inhale" or "I did not have sexual relations with that woman, Miss Monica Lewinsky" and several others). My generation is dropping out of church for these same reasons. Not to mention because of other issues such as hypocrisy and judgemental ism (See UnChristian by Kinniman and Lyons).

When asked about drugs, Obama is clear that he did do them. When asked about abortion, Obama doesn't skirt his stance, when asked about religion, Obama gives clear-cut answers. Obama has read correctly, the importance of being real to this age group. Does this age group think that he has: the best policies, the best stance on abortion, the best whatever? Probably not, some may, but one thing they flock to, cling to and enjoy most is his candid attitude.

It's felt that we don't need a "Maverick" but an "Authentic". Even if my age group is what has been said of us in that we are "politically un-wise", most sign on to authenticity.

Why is this idea of authenticity to real and vital to my generation? Because we've grown up in a land of phonies. Phony politicians, phony pastors, phony TV (also, why reality TV is big, even though it too is being found out as phony), phony teachers, phony parents...the list goes on. I am not saying I feel TOTALLY the same on all these issues (for example, my parents are RAW, dead honest people) but I do feel the same for the most part.

I'm tired of fake people, fake preachers, fake Christians, fake acts of service, fake politics and fake answers. I for one am ready for real, RAW honesty. That is why, when I preach, I preach stories that show me as the person who's fallen, not as me as the hero. I let people know the STUPID stuff I've done (there is a lot) because they can connect themselves to it.

Trust me when I say that the younger generations will be even more hell-bent on Transparent Authenticity than my generation is(again, read UnChristian). We, the church as a whole, better start owning up to our crap, confessing it to one another and to God so we can walk in the Light. If we claim to be without sin, the Truth is not in us. True fellowship comes in the confessing of sins.

When the world sees us owning up to our sins, and showing love to them (see instances of this in: Blue Like Jazz and Lord, Save Us From Your Followers), they will come to know the Light that is Jesus.

*Note* I do NOT agree with a lot of Obama's policies (like abortion). However, I DO sign on to his authenticity and his desire to get to the root of the abortion problem i.e. unwanted pregnancy. Obama wants to eliminate abortion at it's source, not in it's practice. Also, I know many may (and will disagree with me) and that's OK. I simply need to say what I feel the Scriptures are saying to me (about Authenticity, not a presidential candidate). Please Comment as I desire your feedback.