Lessons on The Road

One of the things I love most about God is that he calls the junk out of your heart. I've been on quite a spiritual journey these past few days, which all started with 1. a sleepless night and 2. a book.





In the past two years, when God has been speaking to me it has been through: His Word or a book by some Christian author. This has been a good thing for me because in my Spiritual journey up until about 2.5 years ago, I never read much(except for classes...but really, I never REALLY read). God in His sovereignty has been using books to Sanctify me through and through (1 Thes. 5:23 NIV or "sanctify me completely 1 Thes. 5:23 ESV). Some of you have asked me: "why do you read so much" and my answer is because that is a place where I meet with God.





Back to the point...God has been teaching me a lot about myself these past few days. One night (as mentioned above) I just couldn't sleep. I was tired, but my heart kept being tugged by God. He was challenging me, forcing me to do some introspection (which isn't always fun or pretty). He kept calling me to examine who I am, what I'm about and how I got there.





He then called me to do something new for me (which is between Him and me). God cleansing me and healing me through it.





God loves me (and you) so much that He desires to call out the junk in our lives. Here's what He's doing in me:





The book I'm reading that is ripping me up is called: Fathered By God by John Eldredge. The premise is that there are () stages in a man's masculine journey that make him a man. They are: Boyhood; Cowboy; Warrior; Lover; King and finally Sage.





Each stage has its own things that God has pulled out of me, but the most significant are the Warrior and Lover (in particular the Lover).





First, God is a WARRIOR (Exodus 15:3 NIV) (or "Man of War" ESV)! He has given us men a desire to wage war, to fight battles to conquer and to subdue. I have noticed that the warrior inside of me has not been fighting the battles set before me. I've been taking temptations and circumstances as problems to overcome rather than battles to fight and WIN with the help of My Father and King. Eldredge says that a Warrior stops fighting and loses heart when he begins to forget who His King is and who/what he's fighting for.









I desire to fight and Win the battles that are set before me. I want to train with the King and defeat that which may get in my way of doing His will.



The Warrior thing is easy for me to connect to, so when I was reading about it, I was convicted then converted to change.



It's the Lover one I had the most difficult time with. Stay with me if you're getting a bit bored...this is where God has really been working in me, changing me and challenging me...so perk up your eyeballs...


I realized that I have not allowed myself to see when God is wooing, pursuing and loving me. I have been able to "cognitively" understand that God loves me. I've read about it, I've sung about it but I haven't FULLY grasped that God is a Lover and has created me to be a Lover too.

This is not as Mark Driscoll calls it "a Prom date Jesus" statement or idea, it is an honest look at the Masculine God. God is a Warrior, God is a Cowboy God is King, God is a Sage and God is a Lover. He made this world as a gift. The Bible is a letter of love, and a letter of pursuing. God has been chasing my heart and I have failed to see it.

His love notes are in my sons eyes, my sons smiles, my wife's hugs and in my cats affectionate hair gel cleaning. God's love notes are also in the wind...that gentle breeze that comes at the perfect time, that cooling rain when the sun is just too darn scorching. God's love is also in trial and hard times. Sometimes those are battles that the Warrior in us must fight, but in the end, we are closer to God because of that trial.

For the longest time, this concept alluded my heart. I got it in spurts, but never have I allowed it to capture me the way it has been recently. There is tons of junk in my heart, left over baggage, battle scars from many, many defeats. Yet, God, the Lover pursues me with all His being...because He loves me.

This brought me to another realization (if you're still with me)...I am a tool used by God to be the Lover that He is to my family! Being that I am God's image bearer, he can and will use me to pursue His daughter's heart (Hilary's Heart). He can and will use me to pursue his sons heart (MJ's Heart). So, when I am not loving them the way I should, I am not being the Lover I should be, nor am I portraying the Lover He is for them.

God has been teaching me a lot recently. There is more and maybe I will get the urge to write them...for right now though I'm tired and feel I have give you the raw, real skinny on what God has been teaching me...What's God been doing in you??

Prostitute Lover

God called a man to marry a prostitute.

She was an adulterous, cheating whore of a wife, yet God still told him to keep her as his wife and he loved her completely. Hosea was this man and Gomer was his wife.

Hosea was told by God: "Go, take to yourself a wife of whoredom and have(D) children of whoredom, for(E) the land commits great whoredom by forsaking the LORD." So he went and took Gomer, the daughter of Diblaim, and she conceived and bore him a son" (Hosea 1:2-3 ESV).

God wanted Hosea to marry Gomer because God desired his marriage to be a symbol to the people of Israel.

God loves his people so deeply yet they have whored themselves out to sin, and other gods, choosing to cheat on God, as Gomer cheats continuously on Hosea. She has cheated so much on Hosea, that some of the children she bears are not Hosea's, so he names one of them "Not My People".

This story is quite beautiful, yet extremely scandelous. Hosea is a man of God, yet he is married to a whore. The fact that she is a prostitute is well known to all around, it's no secret...in fact, I'm sure that some of the men who condemn Hosea for his marital choice are actually having sex with Gomer!

Reading this story has always affected me, but now especially because I am married. I love my wife with all my heart, but the thought of her cheating on me sends pangs in my heart. To have that happen again and again would be unbearable.

Love scorned, love pushed away and treated like a dirty rag worthy of only wiping a butt with is how Gomer treated Hosea.

He loved her, sacrificed his reputation for her, sacrificed his dignity for her, even sacrificed his right to be the father of her children. All because of his love for her and his love for God.

In reading the book "Redeeming Love" by Francine Rivers, this story has made more headway into my heart and mind.

We are Gomer. I am Gomer.

We/I have whored myself out to sin. I have left the one who loved me and scorned his love. God is a prostitue lover. We give him a beating yet he still loves us.

Out of Hosea' whole story, this is what hits me the hardest: "1 The LORD said to me, "Go, show your love to your wife again, though she is loved by another and is an adulteress. Love her as the LORD loves the Israelites, though they turn to other gods and love the sacred raisin cakes."

So I bought her for fifteen shekels [a] of silver and about a homer and a lethek [b] of barley. 3 Then I told her, "You are to live with [c] me many days; you must not be a prostitute or be intimate with any man, and I will live with [d] you." (Hosea 3:1-3 NIV)

Hosea, knowing that his wife has once again sold herself out for prostitution goes to her pimp and buys her back! He had to buy his own wife back..and HE DID!

She wandered away from his bed to sleep with countless men, to cheat countless times. She was now once again owned by another man...and Hosea paid the price!

My heart aches when I read this. My heart and soul want to weep at this...yet I AM GOMER. I am not Hosea...God is. In the narritive of our lives, we are Gomer. Yet God in His love and grace comes and purchases us back. He paid the price...in blood.

There are several more hard hitting pieces to this story and River's book based on this Biblical account which I will share. This is part one in the Series entitled "Prostitute Lover".

Abundantly Blessed

Let me share with you some amazing things that God has been doing within our lives (mine and Hilary's).

God has shown Himself to be generous to be sure. Hilary and I were worried about the change in my insurance at the Church. The change wouldn't have been that drastic, unless we were definitely planing a visit to the hospital...which with a baby coming, we knew it was going to happen. With the insurance change, there would now be a charge of $500 in order to receive care. This got us worried, because going into the month of January, we had some credit card debt. Not ridiculous mind you, but nothing to sneeze at to be sure.

We were worried as to how all of this was going to be done: credit card bills paid off, regular bills paid off, plus this $500 which seemed to loom over our heads.

Well, God has allowed me to earn enough extra cash at Chili's to now have gotten rid of out debt! Not only that, but God put it on the heart of a blessed fellow believer at our church to give enough money to cover the Hospital fee, plus some!

We will also now (thanks to the generous donation) have close to enough money saved up for when Hilary goes on maternity leave (she doesn't get paid leave), which with my job at Chili's shouldn't be hard at all to come up with!

I write this not to say that Hilary and I are amazing, but that God is amazing! We literally had NO clue where the money was going to come from...but God provided! If you are in a similar situation, may our little story of the past few months encourage you to trust God and know he will provide your every need. In times of financial turmoil like the ones we are facing, it isn't easy. Hilary and I were not the "face of calm" when it came to our financial struggles. Just know that the God of this universe, the one, Triune God is BIGGER than finances, bigger than America's stock-market and a whole lot more reliable than both!

What is God doing?

You know that place where you are asking God for an answer and all you receive is a still silence? The place where your insides are screaming to know the answer to a dangerous question and God's silent? That frustrating "wait" moment that God places you in? Yeah...I'm there! In a previous blog titled Wished I Had and Ephod, I explained how I wished I had that mystical and Biblical device to discern God's will...and yes, I still wish I had one!
The place of waiting for me is the HARDEST place to be. I, by my very nature am a creature of "RIGHT NOW!" My Father used to say I had a problem with "instant gratification" which means I felt like needed what I wanted right in the moment I wanted it. It was so bad that one year as a High School SENIOR, I pre-viewed all the DVD's I bought my family for Christmas...yea that means I watched them all, then gave them away as gifts! No joke. It was Christmas Day and my family was opening there presents and every one one from me was a DVD, without the wrapping around it. No one said anything about it, until my Dad opened his. He looked at it and asked outright: "What's going on with the DVD's Marvin?". I tried to think of something clever that would make sense like: "Well Dad, I know how much the wrapping bugs all of you and I know how the security tape is annoying, so I took the liberty of unwrapping it all for you!" Yet, my wit wasn't up to par so I decided honesty. The story is told and re-told every Christmas...

This (the DVD pre-veiwing Marv) is the innate Marv that is banging on the walls wanting God to dish out his secrets. People have been telling me that the moments of "waiting" are the defining moments of growth, patience and testing. We see ourselves grow and change in these moments. I must say that all I can see is my total depravity and utter dependence upon myself through this time. I keep trying to figure it all out. I keep trying to look for signs in the circumstances. I keep pushing, yet all of it comes out to nothing! I know that no matter what God does, I will be taken care of. I know that no matter what God does I will not need to worry and it will be perfectly that which he has for me...yet I still desire to know. I think the Psalmist had this same dealing, that's why he wrote:

"I am still confident of this: I will see the goodness of the LORD in the land of the living.Wait for the LORD; be strong and take heart and wait for the LORD."
(Psalm 27:13-14)

I know I will see the Goodness of my God. It's not easy to get a constant: "WAIT" when in prayer with the Lord, but even though it SUCKS, I know God has a reason for it. I hate waiting, I really do. I still (selfishly) wish I could have an Ephod (please Lord?) but this is where God has me and if He says wait, I know for sure that it's right where he wants me to be (even if it's NOT where I want to be). So, what is God doing? I don't have a clue, but I know I will see His GOODNESS, and no matter what may be down your road, you can trust and know that you too will see his Goodness.