Last week, I graduated with my Doctorate from Alliance Theological Seminary, the seminary of Nyack College. Although it was a momentous occasion in my life and the end of a hard-won degree, I found it clouded. I was excited, yes, and happy to have it done. I am glad to have a degree and a title that will earn more respect in academic circles (the only circles I will use the title). Yet, the happiness was overshadowed by grief.
This was the last graduation for Nyack College to ever happen. The school closed down on August 31, 2023, due to a myriad of circumstances. This college and later Seminary has impacted my life tremendously. I spent 4 years in my undergrad there and 3 years in the seminary there as well. Those 7 years were the most formative years of my life. I grew so much in my time there and will never be the same as a result.
My emotional response that evening was not what I expected at all. I expected to get teary-eyed when I was hooded and walked across the stage symbolizing my complete fulfillment of the degree. Oddly, this did not happen. Through the service, I wondered at this and sort of felt numb. I couldn't put my finger on it until after all the students walked across the stage. It was then I was struck by the finality of the school's end. I honestly didn't dwell on it too much prior to graduation because I was in a rush to get everything done for my degree since we all had extremely shortened deadlines.
As the service was in its final 20 minutes, the thought came to me that this was the final nail in the coffin that was Nyack College. When that thought came into my mind, I began to cry, then I wept and could barely control the sobbing and tears. My friends near me offered tissues and condolences and after the final song, I turned to a friend and mentor of mine (who was graduating with me), hugged him, and said through tears: "This feels like a death, this has the feel of a funeral".
I now believe that is exactly what I experienced- a funeral. Hearing good news before a funeral of a loved one will always pale in comparison to the loss felt. Joy was overcome with grief. Pain overwhelmed happiness. Loss was stronger than the accomplishment. The end of something overcame the beginning of something new.
After the ceremony, I talked again with my friend and mentor and he stated: "We all needed that." We all needed to be there at the end. We all needed to feel the weight and pain of loss. We all needed to grieve the end of Nyack College in that room, at that time, and in that way. I know he's right. God ordained that moment for us alumni and recent graduates and I am now grateful to have been there and grieved openly with others who felt the same depth of loss as I do.
Loss must be grieved and not bottled up. I know many of my fellow alum feel as I do. Grieve the loss, my friends. Allow your sorrow to flow from your heart. Allow the Lord to comfort you in your pain. Celebrate what the Lord did through Nyack for you, in you, and through you.
Despite the death of Nyack College, we all carry within us the goodness of those years. We all have memories and evidence of what the Lord has done. May we take that death and allow it to be the soil of new things within us. We can grow. We can take what we learned and put it into practice. We can even create similar atmospheres where we reside and minister.
The loss is great, but the Lord is not done using the echoes and ripples of Nyack College. Grieve well. Grow well. Pray for all who are feeling this loss. Finally, allow the Lord to give you peace.
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