The older I get, the more I recognize discipleship in the church has been largely intellectual. We focus on what we can fill our brains with. We pursue apologetics, doctrinal correctness, theological depth, programmatic development, and the ability to rattle off wonderfully crafted answers to any deep question that can come our way. Those pursuits in and of themselves are well and good, but our discipleship focus has been encouraging others and ourselves to fill our minds to the neglect of being filled with the Spirit. In this, we've lost a lot. If we reach the great pinnacle of knowledge in discipleship, we can even come to the arrogant idea of not needing to rely on God to help us. We may not think this directly, but our lives display it as we lean more on our gifts, talents, and knowledge than we do the Holy Spirit. I have been guilty of this.
The Bible has many things to say about this. Paul, the most theologically correct person most people can think of wrote this: "My message and my preaching were not with wise and persuasive words, but with a demonstration of the Spirit’s power..." (1 Cor. 2:4, NIV). He was not trying to preach to the minds of the Corinthians but desired the Spirit's power to preach to the heart.
Jesus, the Lord Himself said to the disciples: "When you are brought before synagogues, rulers and authorities, do not worry about how you will defend yourselves or what you will say, for the Holy Spirit will teach you at that time what you should say" (Luke 12:11-12, NIV). He didn't say: memorize all of these retorts. He didn't give them brain food for regurgitation, he simply said: "rely on the Spirit".
Paul a little later in 1 Corinthians states: "The person without the Spirit does not accept the things that come from the Spirit of God but considers them foolishness, and cannot understand them because they are discerned only through the Spirit" (1 Corinthians 2:14, NIV). Simpson in the Land of Promise reflects on this passage by stating: "The most intellectual and cultured minds often fail to even comprehend the simple gospel of redemption" (pg. 12). Only the Spirit can reveal the Word. If we know this from the Word itself why do we focus so much on the mind to the neglect of the Spirit? I think the answer is arrogance and control. At least it was for me.
Around six years ago, my seizure condition known as complex-partial seizures took a nasty turn for the worse. Where the seizures were once a month, they became a twice daily occurance. Even while I was preaching, I had a seizure. I do not have grand-mal seizures where I fall and flail on the ground, nor do they affect my motor skills. My type of seizures affect my cognition, retention, speech, writing, and reading. They only last roughly 30-40 seconds when they occur, but I have noticed other effects over the years. Thankfully I have not had a seizure in over 5 years due to my medication, but it has put me on a journey.
I have realized over the last year that my retention has lessened over the last 6 years. Where I could rattle off the many words from books I've read, sounding smart and knowledgable, I struggle to be able to regurgitate off-the-cuff things I've read 6 months ago. I've lessened significantly in my ability to recall apologetic or even doctrinal answers when asked out of the blue. This has been the most irritating side-effect of my seizures because I like to be "the answer man".
I like to be able to be the guy with the answers. It's an epidemic in my life (and in my family) where even when we don't know the answer, we try to make up an answer that sounds reasonable, logical, and convincing (we call it Nelsonsing). When I really focus and have time to think through the question and re-think the answer, I can recall many more things, but it is no longer an "on the spot" ability.
This has caused me to lean more and more into the Spirit. This morning as I spent time with the Lord, I was able to see this as a gift and not a curse. It has been a constant frustration for me internally, especially over the last two years. I'm frustrated because I'm no longer in control and my big brain no longer gets the glory. I no longer look "well-read" or "smart". This shows me that my intellectual aptitude was more about me than it was about Him. Sadly, much discipleship has been training many to be too about themselves and less about the Lord; seeking a filling of the mind over a filling of the Spirit.
When I talk to many Christians about not being intellectually focused, but Spirit-focused, I get confused looks. When some have read The Land of Promise which really urges believers to get out of their heads and into their hearts, I've heard: "I don't get it" from some because they can't think through faith except through an intellectual lens.
When I talk about abiding and getting alone with the Lord to simply listen, many say: "yeah, but what will I do? What will I study? What can I learn?" In this, we discover our discomfort with being close to Him without Him "giving us something to remember".
We've got to get back to a desire for the Holy Spirit over a desire for deeper knowledge. Knowledge is good, but the filling of the mind over the filling of the Spirit is arrogant, controlling, and outside of the Lord's will for us as His children. I'm a doctoral student. I love to learn. I love to grow in my knowledge. I love to teach others to grow in their knowledge as well. I teach on an online collegiate level. Education is GOOD, but when it becomes more important than our filling of the Spirit and our communion with Him, we've put it on too high a pedastal.
We are called to surrender. Simpson states: "When the surrender is finally made, it will be an unutterable surprise to you to find out that nothing is lost after all"*
May we deeply desire to "be being filled" with the Spirit (Eph. 5:18) over and above "stuffing" our minds with knowledge.
*The Land of Promise, pg. 17
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